Fear

Here, back to my little space. Place where i can express my feelings, a place where no one seems to care, a place where i left my despair.

Time flies, its been 3 years since we've been together. 3 years of harsh and love, yet we still stick together. Its not easy to maintain the passion but i loves every moment of trying. Here we are, back into confusion state where we're struggling to be together.

The moment when we step into Kuantan lives, i knew it won't be easy. Distance is so short, yet i feel that we're far apart. The feeling of being turn down is saddening but i guess its just you being busy or not interested. I remind myself its totally fine till the day i express my feelings towards you. Your reply shocked me, i was scared, afraid of losing you, fallen into my once forgotten despair.

I knew you needed one week to calm down, to think, to figure out why. Yet, i failed to keep the promise, to find you only on the 2nd day of promise. I text, called you but your reply was rather cool. I thought yesterday was just a dream, till you question about our promise earlier. I knew for that moment, you seem to be annoyed yet guilty of what we're going through. I try to keep it cool, calm and optimistic, but deep in my heart, it hurts so much that we've reach this kind of state.

Its just one week time yet it felt so long even for a day. The despair, fear of losing you is driving me crazy. I knew this messages won't reach you, I knew what im doing right now is blatantly stupid and i knew maybe we just need a timeout but i can't keep myself worrying about you.

Maybe, its just me over reacting or maybe this is the real deal. The frustration of doing nothing to help is driving me nuts, crazy. Tears won't help, yet they keep coming every time i thought of you. How i hope this is just a delusion or you're trying to play a prank on me. How i hope i won't visit this little despair space again.