Here, back to my little space. Place where i can express my feelings, a place where no one seems to care, a place where i left my despair.
Time flies, its been 3 years since we've been together. 3 years of harsh and love, yet we still stick together. Its not easy to maintain the passion but i loves every moment of trying. Here we are, back into confusion state where we're struggling to be together.
The moment when we step into Kuantan lives, i knew it won't be easy. Distance is so short, yet i feel that we're far apart. The feeling of being turn down is saddening but i guess its just you being busy or not interested. I remind myself its totally fine till the day i express my feelings towards you. Your reply shocked me, i was scared, afraid of losing you, fallen into my once forgotten despair.
I knew you needed one week to calm down, to think, to figure out why. Yet, i failed to keep the promise, to find you only on the 2nd day of promise. I text, called you but your reply was rather cool. I thought yesterday was just a dream, till you question about our promise earlier. I knew for that moment, you seem to be annoyed yet guilty of what we're going through. I try to keep it cool, calm and optimistic, but deep in my heart, it hurts so much that we've reach this kind of state.
Its just one week time yet it felt so long even for a day. The despair, fear of losing you is driving me crazy. I knew this messages won't reach you, I knew what im doing right now is blatantly stupid and i knew maybe we just need a timeout but i can't keep myself worrying about you.
Maybe, its just me over reacting or maybe this is the real deal. The frustration of doing nothing to help is driving me nuts, crazy. Tears won't help, yet they keep coming every time i thought of you. How i hope this is just a delusion or you're trying to play a prank on me. How i hope i won't visit this little despair space again.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Thursday, April 22, 2010
My True Feelings
Time passes so fast, its been a few months we've been together all this long, though u always wanted me to write something bout u, i've always forgotten and to be honest, i felt guilty for not doing it.. You must be wondering why i do it now ? maybe its because i miss you too much, can't sleep well, constantly waking up in midnight, not having a good night sleep..
Maybe sometimes my words are being harsh, i did hurt you much.. but my feelings are towards you, i really do care bout you..its just that i don't know how to express how worried i am..being with you does mean a world to me, i've changed so much that i hardly believe i do..all because i wanted you to be proud of..i want to be a world to you too..i've been trying so hard that i did somehow fell apart, but i stood up with my will , just wanted to see your smile..Im not being sarcasm here, but im telling the truth, no matter how hard it was, i will always try because i love you too deeply..
Sometimes when we argue, you questioned me why didn't i care bout your feelings...i do care a lot but just that you can't feel it..no matter what i do, i would have told you because i don't want to cheat on you..sometimes i just wonder have you ever cared bout my feelings? i stunt for a second, realizing how awful to have thought of that..because i just realize i've thought something bad bout you.. you've been worrying bout my doing all these long, be it when im sick or doing something recklessly..
I've been constantly asking you to change.. i know its hard.. i did with a hard route doing the same because i know i love you more than my pride..i once told you not to say all those harsh things when you're mad.. you always smile at me promising so.. but everytime we argue, you hurt me with those words, and i wanted you to know how awful it is.. but i never said so...be it whos right or wrong, im always the one who apologize.. because i know there's no right or wrong between us, its just a misunderstanding..do you know how badly i wanted you to thrust me and listen to what i said.. i really mean it.. i've never spoken in someone side..all i wanted is to let you understand my feelinsg.. not because im covering something that i did not do..i've told you everything, including things that you don't like much.. simply because i don't want to lie to you..
I just want you to know how deeply im in Love with you.. i love you so much that i can't even imagine..
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
xD somebody just screwed me up for not updating my blog.. so here i am... AGAIN !!
I did posted something on the blog.. but yet.. being flame and screwed all the way again xD
nvm nvm... since im so free right now.. might as well talk something bout the "happenings" these days...
Sadly.. my uncle just passed away few days ago....though im not quite familiar with him..but still he had been good with me at least when he was there....just felt sorry for his family.... anyway we helped out to be receptionist for the "bak gam" for few days and attended his funeral...
After the sad case, i thought we had to be facing something good for the next day.... apparently its not what i expected...
After eating AWESOME dumpling from gambang...the nightmare begins...
1st stage.. i was so full after my dinner ( with the dumplings ) , i had to eat peppermint ginger to ease my digestion.. i thought it would have solved the problem.. then i took my bath after the dinner.. which worsen my situation.. but i didnt realize much so i just continue watching
Man.U vs Liverpool LIVE !!
after half time, i just happen to fall asleep and took a nap.. few minutes later... GG-ed
i drank a few DROPS of H2O and i just puked all the gross to the floor... and i happen to fell cause my legs are shaking.. OMG !! u wouldnt imagine how awful it was !! Fxxk !!
2nd stage.. so i had no choice but to clean myself up and bath.. fortunately.. my D which is my dear Girlfriend =D happen to hear whats happening as she didnt hang up the phone and reached my home just a few minutes later.. i was so glad but i didn't have the energy to express it.. so she helped out my house maid to clean up my mess.. and she comfort me and even cooked my some ginger drinks.. so everyones been wondering its good for the 2nd stage?
HELL NO !!
i drank a few DROPS of H2O and i puke AGAIN !! i was like WTF ?! so... i clean myself up AGAIN !! and go down the staircase AGAIN !! .. and im so sorry that my D has to clean up my mess AGAIN !!( my house maid slept )
3rd stage.. after resting for awhile , im starting to feel Okay ~ so she left and back to her house.. left me alone ( since my dad is asleep as well ) i lied on the bed and starts to calm myself down to sleep.. it did work !! for half an hour.. Fxxk !! i woke up.. can't sleep.. too hot.. went down to have my warm water.. went up to sleep again.. woke up after 10~15 minutes or so.. can't sleep AGAIN !! too hot AGAIN !!